Deleted
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Jan 27, 2016 17:55:09 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Jan 27, 2016 17:55:09 GMT -5
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Jan 27, 2016 18:21:03 GMT -5
Post by Kat on Jan 27, 2016 18:21:03 GMT -5
?
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Deleted
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Jan 27, 2016 18:27:00 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Jan 27, 2016 18:27:00 GMT -5
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Sorry...
This just hits spectacularly hard...
I needed to say something, but there really aren't any words...
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Deleted
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Jan 27, 2016 18:35:51 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Jan 27, 2016 18:35:51 GMT -5
Maybe... One way to put it might be... I had hope...but that's gone now.
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Deleted
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Jan 27, 2016 18:38:12 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Jan 27, 2016 18:38:12 GMT -5
It finally occurs to me, that I should maybe stop waiting for others to try and spark a smile, then this happens....
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Deleted
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Jan 27, 2016 19:01:36 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Jan 27, 2016 19:01:36 GMT -5
Yet.... What reason do I have to smile now?
If I thought I could make up... I'd gladly consider that something to move toward...
I'm a bit slow on figuring things out though..
I dunno if a smile would even begin to help with that. I certainly upset her with this...
I...I need advice...
I might not be able to take it...but I need it..
I can't just pretend I wasn't close to her..that this meant nothing to me, that I can simply let it go!
Next month, I'll have a prescription change, and I should be more able to smile.. But if everything's ruined before then... Well, it'll have been pointless..
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Deleted
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Jan 27, 2016 23:01:35 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Jan 27, 2016 23:01:35 GMT -5
.....
I don't feel like it anymore...
Bye...
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Jan 28, 2016 18:50:53 GMT -5
Post by . on Jan 28, 2016 18:50:53 GMT -5
Kat... I feel like I need to discuss my own feelings..What's been bothering me... I need to do it with someone who actually has perspective on what's going on...
I just dunno anymore.
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Yoda
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Jan 28, 2016 22:01:39 GMT -5
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Post by Yoda on Jan 28, 2016 22:01:39 GMT -5
"Just let it go..."
-Android 16
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Jan 28, 2016 22:03:29 GMT -5
Post by Kat on Jan 28, 2016 22:03:29 GMT -5
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Jan 28, 2016 22:36:47 GMT -5
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Post by . on Jan 28, 2016 22:36:47 GMT -5
... Fine..
Look, I've just been doing nothing but sleep these past couple days. This hit hard. TBH, I feel like an empty shell, purposeless. It's become so hard to open my eyes, and I regret it near immediately.
If you want me to let go of the near nothing left....fine.. It may well have been that clinging is what's let me keep even a shred of sanity this past year...
You don't understand depression OR loneliness in the slightest! So don't begin thinking you can give me advice!
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Jan 28, 2016 22:40:29 GMT -5
★Issi★ likes this
Post by Kat on Jan 28, 2016 22:40:29 GMT -5
you think I don't understand depression or loneliness?? HA! then you must not know me very well. then again, I often hide those feelings.. as should you.
hanging out with the pets helps with that, and horse back riding helps even more. there's no need for medicine when you have animals to hang out with
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Jan 28, 2016 22:53:12 GMT -5
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★Issi★ likes this
Post by . on Jan 28, 2016 22:53:12 GMT -5
How severe?
Do you think I haven't noticed the entire group surrounding you? Supporting you?
I can't take your claim seriously when the people who can help you, or pets, in your case, are always there!
For me, there's nobody anymore! The people with the strongest bearing are all gone!
It would be so easy in this state, to just blame others.. To say it's all your fault, to try and hold myself apart... But, I decided not to! I screwed up from time to time, but seriously, I've not bashed Issi for being upset, I've tried to be as understanding as I can with your role as admin..... It would be so easy to just give in! Accidentally take an extra pill... Let myself be hit by a moving vehicle.. But I've held on, and now that it's only next month...After a full year of all this.. Now that it's so close...
I'm alone now...
I WANT to go cold, to just false report anything that bothers me in the slightest! I dunno why I can't though.. Why can't I just freaking let go and actually live!
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Jan 28, 2016 22:57:43 GMT -5
Post by Kat on Jan 28, 2016 22:57:43 GMT -5
you have a cat, Michael.. you have a cat...
go hang out with your cat, Michael. it will help. it's harder to feel lonely and depressed when a cat is purring at you
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Jan 28, 2016 23:03:15 GMT -5
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Post by . on Jan 28, 2016 23:03:15 GMT -5
you have a cat, Michael.. you have a cat... go hang out with your cat, Michael. it will help. it's harder to feel lonely and depressed when a cat is purring at you A cat.. To face the loss of family, friends..My inability to feel fulfilled by anything... No... But I can see it's pointless to say more. Bye.
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Yoda
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Jan 28, 2016 23:08:13 GMT -5
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Post by Yoda on Jan 28, 2016 23:08:13 GMT -5
Just watch, he's gonna comment again.
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Jan 28, 2016 23:15:01 GMT -5
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Post by Kat on Jan 28, 2016 23:15:01 GMT -5
he thinks a cat won't help?
I can't name the number of times Misty cheered me up when I didn't think anything could.. :/
and yeah, he'll probably come back..
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Jan 28, 2016 23:25:25 GMT -5
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★Issi★ likes this
Post by Madoka on Jan 28, 2016 23:25:25 GMT -5
this is still going on? :/
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Yoda
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Jan 29, 2016 0:01:35 GMT -5
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Post by Yoda on Jan 29, 2016 0:01:35 GMT -5
It's been going on since Fall
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Jan 29, 2016 0:07:33 GMT -5
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Post by Madoka on Jan 29, 2016 0:07:33 GMT -5
woah.. I never realized
why would this go on for so long? there's no reason anything should go on for this long.
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Yoda
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Jan 29, 2016 0:26:57 GMT -5
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Post by Yoda on Jan 29, 2016 0:26:57 GMT -5
Exactly.
Michael just doesn't know how to move on.
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Jan 29, 2016 3:41:42 GMT -5
Post by . on Jan 29, 2016 3:41:42 GMT -5
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Well, I'm back, as you predicted.
...I've calmed down, and I think I'll be okay. ... Madoka, yes, a LOT happened, and plenty of people were hurt, whilst IMO, others were entirely ignorant. I could not let that slide, so I kept at it.
Kat, thing is, they're my little bro's cats, and, my emotions and means of cheering up are kinda different from yours. I appreciate your opinion, but, this isn't the first time you've used that, and I found it to not be enough.
I will state, part of my purpose for saying that was to vent... I feel MUCH better having let that out. But, another purpose was for you to see that I hold a dark side of my own. My own thoughts, feelings, opinions, and things that upset me. I've yet to figure out how to honestly get along with any of you.
...I do feel as though you hold yourselves a bit above others though... I'd appreciate it if you don't have an absolute defense over everything you say, and disregard other stuff.
Just as I tend to go into a ridiculous state when I'm depressed.
Anyways, I should be better sometime in a few weeks... Hmm... Your thoughts on something... It occurred to me.. Maybe I've honestly been this upset since New Year's 2015, and only didn't show this degree of being upset cause I never had enough time away from enjoying others' company to notice?
Anyways, fare thee well. I hold no grudge, though, I would appreciate it if you took my comments into consideration.
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Jan 29, 2016 11:44:38 GMT -5
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Post by Kat on Jan 29, 2016 11:44:38 GMT -5
I don't think you did try. You pmed me back about that awkward thing you don't like being discussed.. *cough*
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Jan 29, 2016 11:56:33 GMT -5
Post by Madoka on Jan 29, 2016 11:56:33 GMT -5
If they're "ignorant" so what? people have a right to be wrong...
Mmm... You were freaked out by the ignorance of others and continually pestered Kat about it, yet you think they're the one holding themselves above others?
OK.
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Jan 29, 2016 12:37:02 GMT -5
Post by .. on Jan 29, 2016 12:37:02 GMT -5
Well, as you said.. Everyone's CAN be wrong. I just strongly dislike having it held over my head.
If TMC is going to be mentioned, I absolutely will end up speaking for myself.
Madoka, you weren't there. Yes, I did wrong. Yet, others did wrong as well. Because I was wrong..for that.. My account was deleted, and I was lied to. "Just a ban." "Everyone agreed." As if it were perfectly okay. As if NOBODY else had done wrong.
It effectively buried anything others might need to own up to, and I hated that with a passion. What happened there.. I never bothered letting go because I knew full well it would happen again. You saw those screenshots of Aaron being made a meme. That could more or less be considered proof.
That's how I was treated there, and nobody cared. It all got buried. Hidden. Tossed aside.
I can claim to hold no grudge, but I absolutely am incredibly bitter. I can say I did wrong there, almost with my head held high, simply BECAUSE others swatted everything aside. I owned up, they never did, and instead, repeated the same treatment of others.
I've stayed here too long though. Best of wishes... Can't promise I'll not be back, as I DO have plenty bothering me, but I'd rather not feel a need to return.
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